Growing and Growing

A couple of weeks ago while driving to work, I saw a man and his young song walking along Broadway in downtown Nashville.   I witnessed a great lesson in parenting … leading with love, standing side-by-side, and pressing forward.

Leading in love, side-by-side, pressing forward.

The extraordinary thing about this event was that the young boy was blind.  It appeared to have been a recent condition because the father was trying to teach his son how to navigate with a walking stick.   As exhibited by this father, parenting involves the following:

1. Leading with love is about reaching the heart of your child. Too often I get caught up in the outward behavior of my children and forget about the inward heart.  I’m learning that if I reach the heart my children, and teach them the lesson that will be forever pressed in their soul, then their “good behavior” will follow.  This father did not waste any time, energy and frustration just to get his son to walk straight and avoid objects like street signs and benches.  He was focused on his son’s challenges and building his heart and esteem to face those challenges.
2. Standing side-by-side is right where your kids need you to be.  For this father helping his blind son to walk … there he stood right by his son’s side.  Leading him … hand to arm … arm to hand … down the street.  Then the father would let go, while continuing to walk by his side.  As parents, we need to not only stand beside our children, we need to get down on their level and talk to them eye-to-eye.  I mean this literally and figuratively.  Literally, our kids need to see our eyes when we talk to them (and particularly when we talk about life issues).  Figuratively, they need to know we understand what they are saying.  For instance, if your young man is excited about his green bean, pickle, and peanut butter “Alien Sandwich” … then so should you.
3. Pressing forward means we must continually grow. In life, our children will be challenged to accept mediocrity, the norm, or the worldly standard of what is considered “right.”  As parents, we have to push, press, encourage and in some instances force them to reach for excellence.  Notice I did not say, perfection, but excellence. We must not get caught up in the mistakes we have made in the past.  Press forward in all things.

As I watched this father lead  his blind son along a busy street in downtown Nashville, I wondered truly about the father’s resolve and the son’s reliance.  Certainly, this man could have bullied his son to use or rely on that walking stick.  But that is not what I witnessed.  And the son, at some point in this experience, ultimately had to come to the realization that he was going to rely on his father’s leading.

Question: Are you leading your children in love, side-by-side, pressing forward?

Image: justinknol

I have been praying with my children a lot more recently.  If the kids are sitting down for breakfast and I am running late to work, I stop and pray over them God’s blessings.  When there is a stubbed toe or cat scratch, we pray before finding the Barbie Bandaid.  And when we do our evening tuck-ins,  prayer comes before books, songs or tickles.

Sounds like I got it all together, right?  NOT AT ALL!  We are a work in progress … we are growing and growing in our faith.  But here is what I have learned about how to pray with your children:

1. Make it about God. Remember the ultimate point of the prayer . . . to communicate with our Creator . . . to praise Him for all things . . . to thank Him for the blessings he bestows . . . to ask Him for wisdom . . . to hand Him your worries . . . to claim His healing.  Your children need to hear these words on a regular basis so they “get it” later in life.
2. Make it about the child. After giving thanks and praise to God, we then pray about other friends and family.  Then we conclude with our own desires and struggles.  For each of my children, I use age appropriate words and always pray for: (a) their past day; (b) their evening protection; (c) their tomorrow’s blessings; and (d) their future contribution to the Kingdom.
3. Make it fun and joyful. Last time I checked, there was not an Eleventh Commandment — Thou shalt not have fun. Instead, we are to go to the altar of God with our “exceeding joy” (Ps. 43:4).  To me, this means having a joyful and vibrant voice of excite when I pray with my kids.  Be animated.  Let them experience joyful prayer flowing from your lips.  It’s perfectly okay to say “dude” in your prayer with your six-year-old boy, which sounds something like this:

Father, I just thank you for the strong little man that you gave to our family.  I ask that you continue to strengthen Dylan in all that he does.  Build him. Use him. Make him into a great, God-loving, change all nations, people leading, prayer warrior dude!!!

When I see the smile on the little one’s face as we say Amen . . . I know that I reached his heart and mind.

There are really two major reasons to pray with your children.  First, to communicate with God as a family.  Second, to teach your little one how to pray.  If you are just trying to check “pray with kid” off your checklist, then your heart is really not there.  Are your praying with your children?  Why not?

My wife and I moved from Washington, D.C. to Nashville in 2006.  We left a 5,000+ member church with five services to join a smaller, 100+ member church with one “traditional” service.  We left a small group couples ministry that we had to split every year because it grew too big to start over from scratch with three other couples.  As our new church moves into a transition to merge with another area church in the denomination, the value of couples friendship becomes even more important.

What do I mean?  Let me share with you an email that I received today from a close friend.  Read the excitement in her words:

I am all uplifted today, b/c we just had one of the neatest weekends — a couple of our friends married and the wedding was a huge reunion of my husband’s old friends from his early days in Christian Community, many of whom I had not met yet (but had heard a thousand good stories about them) and then we hosted two of the couples to our home for dinner on Sunday. I had the simultaneous feeling of excitement in meeting them and feeling as if we had known each other for always. . . it was really awesome, and our prayer time was a real gift. Whew.

So am bringing that goodness into our office and our work today!

Feel it?  In the past four months, we have grown closer to our own Thursday night friends more than ever before.  We have been watching Tommy Nelson’s Song of Solomon series, sharing our happinesses and hurts, and growing and growing together as couples.

Do you have these relationships in your life?  Why not?

Image: Kim Vetter Photography

Today, Ron Edmondson asked, “What’s your dream?“  Why was he asking this question?  Ron writes:

Recently I was encouraged again reading the story of Nehemiah. Nehemiah accomplished his God-given dream by prayer and action. Consider Nehemiah 4:9: “And we prayed to our God and set a guard as a protection against them day and night.” Nehemiah depended on God for protection and strength, but he took the actions he knew to take.

Ron then asked his readers to finish the following sentence:

“If money, time or other restrictions were not an issue, I would __________________________.”

Ron, if money, time or other restrictions were not an issue, I would spend every waking moment playing with my kids, dating my wife, writing top-selling books, feeding the hungry, encouraging the lonely, entertaining the world, cooking first class meals, traveling the world, speaking to anyone who’d listen, training future leaders, praying for repentance, singing (awfully) songs of joy, and blogging my every thought. In the absence of time limitations, I could go on forever with my list Ron … but …

Alas, I must get back to work!

For our non-Twitter, non-Facebook, non-LinkedIn friends … click here for more pics!

Earlier this week, I posted about the “Homeless” Homeless … with the primary points being that: (1) Tent City had been washed away in Nashville’s flooding; and (2) the homeless population living in Tent City were now “homeless.”

All week, Lambscroft Ministries and Woodbine Church has been housing and feeding up to 30 of those “homeless” homeless. We have also been collecting donations of clothing, toiletries, food, water, and many other items. Yesterday, my dad (the pastor) a dozen of the homeless men and women set out to help the newly decorated homeless … the ones who lost everything in the storms. See it for yourself:

These men and women delivered a considerable amount of items to WA Bass Middle School for distribution to the needy in that area. While there, the team helped many of the families clean up their properties. The team has been asked to return today and to bring whatever they can for distribution to those in need. What can you do?

1. Understand that you can make a difference. It does not matter whether your contribution is $1 or $100; one pair of shoes or 100 pairs of shoes; 1 hour of time or 100 hours of time. Many of these distraught people just want your support.
2. Understand that the homeless are not heartless. Having spent many evenings over the past few months with these men and women, I have come to love and cherish our friendship. And now, to see them out helping others recover from a loss of having a home, it has shown me a deep appreciation for the heart.
3. Understand that the time to act is now. Again, it does not matter what your contribution, the important thing is to act now … lend a helping hand … buy an extra few gallons of water … set aside a few extra dollars. If you have not made a difference in someone’s life in the past, you can start today.

Many of you have seen the devastation on the news about families all over Middle Tennesse who have displaced from their homes. Two of the groups that have received little to no attention in the media are the homeless and lower income populations throughout Nashville. Tent City has been destroyed and these people have lost everything. The mobile home park across the street from the Fairgrounds (where two elderly people died) has been completely wiped out. Yes, the homeless are also homeless.

A number of homeless groups and ministries have set up an emergency center at our church, Woodbine Presbyterian (the corner of Nolensville and Thompson Lane), for these people to come eat, get a shower and some clean clothes. We are in need of the following items:

• Tents
• Sleeping bags and blankets
• Towels (wash clothes, hand towels, bathing towels)
• Bottle water and juice
• Snacks (jerkey, nuts, dried fruit, crackers, etc.)
• Gift cards (restaurant, food, phone, Walmart, etc.)

If you are local and can help with any of the above items, please let me know. Please pass on my contact information to your friends and family. Thanks.

My wife and kids have been out of town for close to two weeks. Right when they returned, I was tied up in a trial and then jetted out of town for a couple of days. The joy when I returned was inexplicable. We all hugged … kissed … and laughed.

That joy lasted about 15 minutes and the challenge of parenthood returned. Bills stacked up on the counter, light bulbs out in 10 sockets, children fighting over what I brought them home from my trips, and my lovely wife just wanting a few moments of silent. These are the circumstances when the Daddy … a real man … has to step up to fulfill his role as Parent Leader. And that place is somewhere between dictator and welcome mat. Here is what I mean:

• A parent leader is not a dictator. Too often, I confuse Christianity as a “well behaved” person and I think my job is to raise little “well behaved” persons. My job is to teach them to love the Lord with all their heart, mind and strength. My wife often reminds me that a good leader leads … not dictates. Understanding this concept, childhood discipline from the parent is more like a boundary that keeps the child on the right track, rather than a bouncer who strongholds the kid back into place.
• A parent leader is not a welcome mat. On the other end of the spectrum, there are a number of parents in today’s society who simply want to “friend” their children in the FaceBook game of life. Love and devotion to your children should not be mistaken as a license to have a chummy, “BF” or pal relationship with them. You cannot let your children (or their friends) walk all over you like a welcome mat. Practically, this means: you are the parent, they are the child. Don’t blur the distinction.
• A parent leader is somewhere in the middle. I can’t tell you exactly where that middle spot is located because we are trying to find that right balance. In our family … each family is different … I tend to be the dictator and my wife tends to be the welcome mat. Here’s the thing, we realize that we need to run to the middle. My wife prays for strength to be more rigid in what she will allow the kids to say and do during the day. I pray for strength not to crush the kids’ spirits after I walk into the house following a long, hard day.

Are you a parent leader? As you look at the sincerity of your heart, ask yourself whether you are “provoking your children to anger” or are you “bringing them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:7)