Growing and Growing

As my wife and I lay next to each other at the end of a busy day, one of the most often pondered questions is, What are we going to do with our lives?

Okay.  I admit it.  That is my question every evening.  She smiles.  She already knows.  But me … I am overwhelmed with the idea that we, as a family, are not playing to win.  We are simply going through the motions of life, homeschooling, work, church, etc.

Ever feel that way?

King Saul probably felt that way, only he took a different approach to resolve his problems.  When the Philistines pursued Saul and his family, they eventually caught and killed Saul’s three sons.  A fierce battle ensued and ultimately Saul was wounded by the Philistine archers.  Left with what he thought were very few options, King Saul took his own life.  

Saul died for his trespass which he committed against the LORD, because of the word of the LORD which he did not keep; and also because he asked counsel of a medium, making inquiry of it, and did not inquire of the LORD. (1 Chronicles 10:13-14)

Did you catch that?  The scripture says that Saul’s failures were not only active, but were also passive.  He not only did wrong—he failed to do what is right! Saul not only sinned by his actions, but he also sinned by his omissions.

For me and my family, it is not good enough to simply avoid what is wrong.  That is fairly easy…don’t cheat, don’t lie, don’t steal.  That’s what we teach our kids.  We need to seek more!  We need to awaken our passive nature and actively pursue what is right.

So, when I ask my Beloved, What are we going to do with our lives?, that’s what I mean:  Let us do more than get by.  Let us pursue, chase, run, sprint towards goodness.

Image: @boetter

This morning I read an article about an 11-year-old who made the winning shot for $50,000 … only he was not the right 11-year-old!  In a charity hockey game, Nick Smith won the raffle for a chance to shoot a 3 inch puck through a 3.5 inch hole from 90 feet away.  Since Nick was outside when his name was called, his twin brother Nate stepped up to attempt the trick.  And he made it!

The boys’  father was caught up in the excitement of the moment and played along with the switcheroo!  However, the next morning the father called promoters to right the wrong: “We thought honesty was the best policy and we wanted to set a good example for our kids.”

Right on, Dad!  My eldest daughter caught the same understanding when she was asked (as punishment) to write an essay on INTEGRITY.  This is what she wrote:

Integrity means to be honest when no one is looking. If you have integrity you will have more privileges and trust and friends. If you have integrity your friends will trust you because they know you are trustworthy in all things and at all times. . . . If you have integrity, you are honest, trustworthy and you are a good friend to have especially when your friend needs help with an outfit choice.

She got most of it right.  As a parent, you love to share moments like these.  As a parent, are you teaching your kids about integrity?

Image: Seabamirum

Over the past few months, I have faced the following stresses: (1) tackling a new job; (2) welcoming a new baby to the family; (3) assisting in the merger of two churches; and  (4) dealing with a cracked foundation in our house.  During this time, my wife has cornered me on more than one occasion to let me know how “grumpy” I have been with the children and with her.  My first reaction … No way!  You’re the grumpy one, chica!

I soon realized that my wife was right when I started dreaming in grumpy. I actually woke up last week at about 4:00 a.m. with anger in my mind and a frown on my face.  I woke up from an insanely realistic dream where I was yelling at my children, picking apart my wife and kicking the cat.   I woke up and wanted to run away from myself.

Language studies show that if you begin to dream in a foreign language, then you are comfortable with the foreign language and may be on the verge of fluency.  So what does it mean when you dream that you are angry and “on edge” with everyone?  I think it means you are angry and “on edge” with everyone … and on the verge of hurting those you most care about.  Here is what you can do turn those dreams around?

• If you’ve yelled at your kids, it is never too late to apologize. Even where a few days has gone by, my children truly appreciate (and understand) when I take them to the side to “say sorry” for being grumpy.  Addy Joy, do you remember when Daddy yelled at you two days ago for getting out of bed?  Well, I am sorry.  I should not have yelled at you.  It is your job to stay in bed and it is my job to teach you to obey instructions.  But it was wrong of me to yell at you.  Will you forgive me? Those words can make a huge impact on a child.
• If you’ve been short with your wife, it is never too late to open up to her. Just because my wife is an adult, I cannot assume that she will fully appreciate the stress that consumes me during the day.  I am learning to make a concerted effort to take a few “moments of silence” after pulling into the driveway to prepare for my entrance into the home.  Again, the words are simple: Honey-babe-schmoopy-pie … I am sorry for not understanding how my stresses affect you and the kids.  It’s been tough on me for the past few days and I forget that we are on the same team.  Will you forgive me? Most of the time, she will embrace you with open arms.  And by the way, sweetie, wanna make out?
• If are you dreaming in grumpy, it is never too late to change. Luckily for me (and for my family), I have only had one grumpy dream.  But it was a huge wake-up call (…pun intended…) that I needed to change my attitude toward my children.  I realize that my grumpiness is not going to solve the stresses that are making me grumpy.  Does that make sense?  If eating ice cream is not going to help me lose weight, then why would yelling at my kids solve the stresses of a new job, a new baby, a church merger or a cracked foundation?  It won’t.

Are you dreaming in grumpy?  If so, how can you turn those dreams around?

Image: sokab

After a long day yesterday, I started the nightly ritual of “tucking in” five children. Each has their own routine—whether it involves going potty, needing a sippy cup, or making up a nighttime adventure. For my 6-year old, Dylan, the evening began with a question: “Dad, can you tell me about the prayer to get to heaven?

Words that I had not expected … probably because it came from the same boy who stuck a bead in his ear and swallowed a quarter in a seven day period last month … but words that I needed to hear. The next twenty minutes were precious: leading my son to join God’s family, seeing the excitement on his face, calling a few people to tell them the Good News, and me just beaming on the inside.

Last night was more than a significant moment in Dylan’s life … it was a moment that God gave me … to push forward, to take the reigns of this family, to continue with this stirring in my gut, to make a difference in the world.

To Dylan, a praying boy, it was perhaps the single most important decision he will make in his life. To me, the boy’s father, it was a small reward that pushes me onward. What pushes you onward?

There is change all around us. This post is not about external changes, like you may see on the new website … thanks Themescook! … I am talking about another kind of:

This change is about internal change. Not your internal change. Not my wife’s internal change. Not my kids’ internal change (…although some of them really, really need it…).

This change is about my internal change. I was reading Michael Hyatt’s
post last week about Leadership Lessons from General Tommy Franks. This is what caught my attention:

General Franks told the story of a young lieutenant who declared his intention to one day become a General himself. He asked, “Could you share with me the one thing I can do to advance my career and achieve this goal?”

General Franks told him, “Son, go out and buy two alarm clocks.”

The young officer, clearly confused by the General’s answer, asked, “Two alarm clocks?”

“That’s right,” General Franks explained. “If you can’t take responsibility for your own life and show up on time, you have no right leading anyone else. Don’t ever be late.”

Ouch! Here’s how I translated that one: If you cannot lead your own life, how can you be a leader? A leader of your family. A leader in you church. A leader in your community. A leader in your career.

While this may be a no-brainer for many of you, it really hit me like … like … like … like a log in my own eye. Right now, more than ever, my wife and kids need me to help lead our little clan through life’s challenges. Right now, more than ever, my clients and colleagues need a leader to help them weather these hard economic times. Right now, more than ever, I need to hear the wake up call and get started leading. Looks like it is time for me to go buy another alarm clock!

(Note: If you are not following Michael Hyatt, now is a good time to start doing so. He is the CEO of Nelson Publishing and has some great words of wisdom.)

The whole family went on an early morning walk this morning. At the very end, there was a big hill, so Matt and I got the kids out of the wagon to walk. Addy started crying because she wanted one of us to carry her. Matt and I continued to walk and in true Addy-style, she stood her ground screaming, “I CAN’T WALK! CARRY ME! I told Matt that if we continued to walk, she would still be standing there tomorrow at this time. I recently had a standoff at the zoo and tried it. She is definitely the strong-willed one of the family. It does not matter if you offer her an entire candy bar. She won’t eat it unless it was her idea (or you let her believe that). I know someday this characteristic will serve a purpose, but at the moment , it is challenging to say the least.

Anyway, to continue with my story: Dylan suddenly turned around and ran back to Addy. He held out his hand and said, “Here Addy, I will help you.” They ran hand-in-hand to meet us. What an awesome example of how Christ is with us. At that moment, Dylan knew that more than Matthew and I. No matter how stubborn we are, He comes back for us, takes us by the hand and helps us along. He definitely does not yell at us and walk away!