Growing and Growing

There is nothing better than your own bed, particularly when you have been travelling all week and working (and playing) in the snow all weekend. So when I lay my tired body to rest last night, I was one happy dude. I immediately faded off to sleep. Peace.

At about 3:30 in the morning, I heard the whisper of a six-year-old boy: “Dad. Dad. My blanket won’t work. I can’t fix it.”

“What?” I groaned back to him.

“Dad. My blanket doesn’t work. I can’t put it on my bed. I need help.”

Are you kidding me? I looked at the clock across the room. The red digital lights screamed out 3:32. What’s wrong with the blanket? How does a blanket fail to work? I will solve this: “Son, your blanket works fine. Just pull it up. You can do it.”

“But … Dad …”

“Son! Go back to your room. It’s night time.”

Although I couldn’t see his face or body, I knew he walked away rejected. I’ve seen the look before. He won’t remember, I reasoned to myself, because it’s the middle of the night. I rolled over, thinking I could still get a few more hours of good rest.

My wife whispered in my ear. The words pierced my eardrums and went straight to my heart. She was right. I jumped up quickly and ran down the hall.

The rejected son had his door shut, but I could see the light peering from underneath. I quietly opened the door and he stood the end of his bed. I now understood his dilemma. The top blanket was on the floor and the sheets were wrinkled up in a knot at the bottom edge of the bed.

“Need some help?”

His smile was all that I needed to see to reassure me that he was okay. “Yes, sir.“

I threw him on the bed, hugged him, and gave a few tickles. “Hold still now.” He spred his body out and I lofted the top sheet up in the air. It landed perfectly over his body. I tucked in the bottom and edges. I took the top blanket and did the same. I saw his homemade quilt from GG lying on the floor. Better add that one, too.

“Is that better?” I asked.

“Yes. Thanks, Dad.”

I gave him a wink. I mouthed the words “I LOVE YOU.” I turned out the light and walked out the door.

Not even the best sleep could replace that feeling of joy I then experienced. And all because of that little whisper in the ear from my wife. Wanna know what she said?

A good daddy would help his son.

It has been quite some time since my last post, but I promise that I have been busy. ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES MATT A DULL BOY.  ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES MATT A DULL BOY. ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES MATT A DULL BOY.
 

No, I am not going crazy at the Overlook Hotel.  But have I have looking at contracts, prepping for trials, and flying to San Francisco.  You can imagine my surprise and happiness when my wife told me that God winked at her last week during a moment of choas.

Courtney had been up all night with sick children.  One vomit here.  One vomit there.  Here a vomit. There a vomit. Everywhere a vomit.  Then she had to take them all out to Alie’s orthodontist appointment. Then she had to go to the grocery store.  Kids were screaming.  Kids were crying.  She was on the verge of her own Jack Nicholson moment.

If only I could have Pucky watch the kids.  It would only be for a few moments.  But I don’t want to ask her.  What should I do? Courtney’s internal debate rages.  What should I do?  I guess I will call her.  But maybe I should practice the words … “Pat, can you watch the kids for an hour?”  No, I can’t call.  She’s too busy.

The phone rings.

Hello.

Hi Court, it’s Pat.  I was just wondering if I can watch the kids to give you a break this morning.  I can only do it for an hour or two, but it will give you a chance to get out to the store or run an errand.

Some would call that creepy.  Some would call it coincidence.  We call it GodThruMan.

Actually, he has been given clearance to drive a regular car. After taking and passing various tests given by the rehabilitation center, Dad can drive with a few limitations. (Mom is not so psyched, but she’ll come around.)

So … while Dad is not 100% … he is getting closer.

For career development … Cordell Parvin is a fellow Richmond Spider (…although a few years before me…) and former construction attorney. I came across Cordell’s name about 6-7 years ago when I was contemplating a move to Dallas, Texas and I reached out to fellow law school alums. While that venture did not turn out, I have kept in touch with Cordell regularly through his books, blog, and Tweets. While you can find a lot by browsing his blog, my favorite year-end posts include:

• Why You Should Create a 2010 Plan … Cordell has a webinar on this topic today.
• Practical Tips on How to Do Year End Planning
• And today’s post about Planning at the 50,000 Foot Level

For balancing family and career and life … sure you have your Zig Ziglar’s, your John Maxwell’s, and even your Rick Warren’s … but my favorite, local, “living-life-right” model is Nashville’s own Michael Hyatt, CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishing. I first started following Michael’s blog, Leading with Purpose, at the beginning of this year when I revved up my career planning and life assessment. Michael is a model husband-father-businessman-leader, who Tweets about leadership and life. Here are a few of my favorite posts, including the year-end assessment:

• Seven Questions to Ask about Last Year … the Year Ahead post is expected soon.
• Five Characteristics of Weak Leaders, which gives you a look at how not to lead.
• Two Approaches to Influencing the Family … notice that Michael likes numbers!

For sheer motivation … speaker and author Andy Andrew challenges you to evaluate the importance of halftime. As for me, this week is my “halftime” moment and the second half is about to begin. The year 2010 presents some great opportunities for my career, my family, my community and my church. How about you? I know. I have lived them, too. The past few years have been tough. But the best years lie ahead.

What are you going to do to make 2010 different? … or better yet … What are you going to do to make a difference in 2010?

There does not appear to be enough time during the day to get it all done. I wonder how the John Maxwell’s, Zig Ziglar’s, Dave Ramsey’s, or Dennis Rainey’s get it done on their end?

Okay. Now that I got that out of the way, I want to tell you about something real important. It is about a family in the south Nashville area that may not have Christmas this year. Well, that was almost true until our church got involved. I spoke with the mom of this family today. I could hear the tears of joy as I explained what we proposed to do: “We want to come along side your family and help brighten your holidays.”

I proceeded to ask about the three children (ages 2, 5, 17). I asked about her husband. I asked about books. I asked about games. I asked about clothes. I asked about household items. I asked about food.

Yes. We can help this family. We already have over 25 volunteers … to help make food (BAKERS) … to help buy clothes and gifts (BUYERS) … and to help pay some bills (BANKERS). Do you live in the Nashville area and want to help this family? Do you live outside the Nashville area and want to help this family? Either way, let me know.

Be a baker, buyer, or banker!

Photo: Flickr foxypar4

While I have found the world to be full of opportunities to mentor someone else, the task becomes overwhelming to find yourself a mentor. Imagine my surprise two weeks ago when I learned that Michael Hyatt, CEO of Nelson Publishing, sent out an invitation to be a part of his mentoring group. If you live in the Nashville area and want to be considered for this amazing (yet challenging) task, please fill out an application. It will take about 30 minutes.

And now, @MichaelHyatt, here is my pitch. First, do I qualify? Yep.

• Resident of the greater Nashville … CHECK … just moved here in 2006.
• Devoted follower of Jesus Christ … CHECK … without quibble or reservation.
• Broken men, who are hungry for growth … CHECK … I am that “overwhelmed” family guy being pulled in too many directions, which causes conflict in my marriage, with my children, at my church, and through my job.
• Married career man who are in their late 20s or 30s … CHECK … although my bones feel as if I am 80.
• If already parents, children under 12 … CHECK … luckily Michael did not put a limit on the number of children (…whew…)
• Humble men, willing to look at themselves in the mirror and make changes to improve, and, at the same time willing to accept direct, personal, and comprehensive feedback without being defensive … CHECK … just read about why my daughter called me a Stupid King or why my other daughter asked about my yelling. Ouch.
• Willingness to replicate the mentoring process at least once with eight other men sometime in the future … CHECK … I’m a big fan of Pay It Forward (…Ask me one day about how I got to law school …)

While I qualify, am I the right person? Yes. My wife and I often joke about my wasted potential. Sure, I am doing okay as a provider, husband and father. But “okay” is not good enough. I want—and I think God expects—excellence. Not perfection, but excellence. While I have the heart desire to fulfill my potential … well … I’ll just say it … I lack the tools to get there.

Michael, I have too many balls in the air. Every other day a ball drops. I stop. I pray (sometimes). I pick up the ball and start over. I don’t think the answer is to get rid of those balls. I need you to teach me how to juggle.

I can’t believe Christmas is upon us so soon. As you know, I do not pimp people, places, products or things on this website too often. I made an exception last year at this time for Future of Forestry because it was such an awesome album. This year, I have to make another exception because FoF has released their Solstice DVD. Again, these guys should be playing on every Christian/Christmas radio station. Here is a preview … song starts at about :58 seconds.

If you want to send someone the Solstice DVD as a gift for Christmas, you can order it here. Just make sure that you tell them growingandgrowing.com sent you.

I was headed out of town on Monday for two weeks in Virginia for a case going to trial. My little one stopped me in the morning and asked why I was going to work with my suitcase. I told her the truth: “I’m going to see my other family.”

I jokingly explained that I had another family in Virginia … with a home, kids, and a job there. Okay. So that part was a lie. She giggled. So did I.

It has now been three days and I have not seen them. I miss them dearly. It feels like forever because I was absent for the two weeks leading up to my departure. Upon my return early this morning, I drove straight from the airport to work. I still have not seen them. Did I tell you I miss them dearly?

It feels nearly impossible to live two lives … but we try to do it all the time. For example, when things are going right on my work blog, this blog seems to fall to the back burner. When I pour a lot of time and effort into my career and professional development, my family gets pushed to the side. If you have played this tug-of-war between two lives before, then you know the frustration. But there is hope. And here are some tips:

• Decide that you can only live one life. Most of my hurdles over the past ten years have stemmed from that fact that I tried to compartmentalize every aspect of my daily life (i.e., work, health, family, friendships, church). Each had their own little box. Until we come to the realization that there is only room for one life, there will be conflict.
• Pick the life that is fueled by your passion. There is no sense in living the life that that drags you down. This weekend Rick Warren, pastor and author of A Purpose Driven Life, talked about being stuck in a meaningless career and the importance of finding your passion or purpose.
• Once you pick that life, prioritize your priorities. Just because you may have a conflict between work and family does not mean you have to choose one and ignore the other. That, my friends, does not work. Trust me. But once I picked family first, then I was able to prioritize the rest. For me, it looks something like this: God > Family > Work > Church > Everything else.

The rest of this plan is unwritten. It has taken me years to get to this point. My life equation above is a set of priorities. Am I living them right? Not always, but we’re working on it.

Question: Are you living two lives? Are you ready to pick one? What helps you make you decision?

Photo: Flickr: eqqman

Photo: Pictures by Pwyrdan

• You are convictable … meaning you know that there is a difference between good and bad parenting. If you have yelled at your children and realized that what you did was wrong, then there is great hope. If you are a screamer and feel that your actions are always justified (i.e., “They just won’t listen.”), then you are wrong. But there is still hope for you, too.
• You are changeable … meaning that you can change your ways. Whether you grew up with yelling parents, or you just fell into the habit recently, you can modify the tone you talk to your children.
• You are in charge … meaning that you control the situation with your children. Notice that I did not say, “You control your children in all situations.” I said, you control the situation. If that means that you need to walk away to find the right tone to talk to them, then take control and walk away.

Here is the take-away: I am called to live a godly life. Every day I fail to meet that standard. Does Christ yell at me when I fail to meet that standard? No. Instead, does his Word encourage me? Yes. With parenting, I am not to change my standard … I am to encourage my children to meet that standard … And yelling won’t get them there.

I was out late last night talking with a friend. Actually, we were mapping out our lives for the next year. If all goes as planned, we will be famous, multi-millionaire, speaker-guys … or bankrupt. Thanks for the great evening, Dr. Brassell.

As I pulled into the garage, I was kinda sad because I knew that I missed bedtime for most of my kids. Of course, Alie would be up reading and I would get at least one kid-hug tonight. I opened the garage door and … BAM!

There, standing before me, was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. The long, flowing hair bounced off her shoulders and reached out in an attempt to pull me closer. The rays of light shone from her face as though she were her own galaxy. Our eyes met. Sparkle. She smiled. Sparkle.

I hope my wife does not bust me checking out this woman. Oh, wait, that is my wife. Wow! She looked ten years younger. How did she do that? It must be the thug stalking cap and “Team Edward” t-shirt. Giggling like a fifteen year old school girl, she said: “Honey, I’m going to see the new Twilight movie tonight at midnight with my friends. See you later.”


So, how can you make yourself look 10 years younger? For only $20.00, you too can have this look. $10.00 for the t-shirt and $10.00 for the teenage vampire-werewolf love story movie. And there you have it.