Growing and Growing

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Earlier this week, I posted about the “Homeless” Homeless … with the primary points being that: (1) Tent City had been washed away in Nashville’s flooding; and (2) the homeless population living in Tent City were now “homeless.”

All week, Lambscroft Ministries and Woodbine Church has been housing and feeding up to 30 of those “homeless” homeless. We have also been collecting donations of clothing, toiletries, food, water, and many other items. Yesterday, my dad (the pastor) a dozen of the homeless men and women set out to help the newly decorated homeless … the ones who lost everything in the storms. See it for yourself:

These men and women delivered a considerable amount of items to WA Bass Middle School for distribution to the needy in that area. While there, the team helped many of the families clean up their properties. The team has been asked to return today and to bring whatever they can for distribution to those in need. What can you do?

1. Understand that you can make a difference. It does not matter whether your contribution is $1 or $100; one pair of shoes or 100 pairs of shoes; 1 hour of time or 100 hours of time. Many of these distraught people just want your support.
2. Understand that the homeless are not heartless. Having spent many evenings over the past few months with these men and women, I have come to love and cherish our friendship. And now, to see them out helping others recover from a loss of having a home, it has shown me a deep appreciation for the heart.
3. Understand that the time to act is now. Again, it does not matter what your contribution, the important thing is to act now … lend a helping hand … buy an extra few gallons of water … set aside a few extra dollars. If you have not made a difference in someone’s life in the past, you can start today.

Many of you have seen the devastation on the news about families all over Middle Tennesse who have displaced from their homes. Two of the groups that have received little to no attention in the media are the homeless and lower income populations throughout Nashville. Tent City has been destroyed and these people have lost everything. The mobile home park across the street from the Fairgrounds (where two elderly people died) has been completely wiped out. Yes, the homeless are also homeless.

A number of homeless groups and ministries have set up an emergency center at our church, Woodbine Presbyterian (the corner of Nolensville and Thompson Lane), for these people to come eat, get a shower and some clean clothes. We are in need of the following items:

• Tents
• Sleeping bags and blankets
• Towels (wash clothes, hand towels, bathing towels)
• Bottle water and juice
• Snacks (jerkey, nuts, dried fruit, crackers, etc.)
• Gift cards (restaurant, food, phone, Walmart, etc.)

If you are local and can help with any of the above items, please let me know. Please pass on my contact information to your friends and family. Thanks.

My wife and kids have been out of town for close to two weeks. Right when they returned, I was tied up in a trial and then jetted out of town for a couple of days. The joy when I returned was inexplicable. We all hugged … kissed … and laughed.

That joy lasted about 15 minutes and the challenge of parenthood returned. Bills stacked up on the counter, light bulbs out in 10 sockets, children fighting over what I brought them home from my trips, and my lovely wife just wanting a few moments of silent. These are the circumstances when the Daddy … a real man … has to step up to fulfill his role as Parent Leader. And that place is somewhere between dictator and welcome mat. Here is what I mean:

• A parent leader is not a dictator. Too often, I confuse Christianity as a “well behaved” person and I think my job is to raise little “well behaved” persons. My job is to teach them to love the Lord with all their heart, mind and strength. My wife often reminds me that a good leader leads … not dictates. Understanding this concept, childhood discipline from the parent is more like a boundary that keeps the child on the right track, rather than a bouncer who strongholds the kid back into place.
• A parent leader is not a welcome mat. On the other end of the spectrum, there are a number of parents in today’s society who simply want to “friend” their children in the FaceBook game of life. Love and devotion to your children should not be mistaken as a license to have a chummy, “BF” or pal relationship with them. You cannot let your children (or their friends) walk all over you like a welcome mat. Practically, this means: you are the parent, they are the child. Don’t blur the distinction.
• A parent leader is somewhere in the middle. I can’t tell you exactly where that middle spot is located because we are trying to find that right balance. In our family … each family is different … I tend to be the dictator and my wife tends to be the welcome mat. Here’s the thing, we realize that we need to run to the middle. My wife prays for strength to be more rigid in what she will allow the kids to say and do during the day. I pray for strength not to crush the kids’ spirits after I walk into the house following a long, hard day.

Are you a parent leader? As you look at the sincerity of your heart, ask yourself whether you are “provoking your children to anger” or are you “bringing them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:7)

There is nothing better than your own bed, particularly when you have been travelling all week and working (and playing) in the snow all weekend. So when I lay my tired body to rest last night, I was one happy dude. I immediately faded off to sleep. Peace.

At about 3:30 in the morning, I heard the whisper of a six-year-old boy: “Dad. Dad. My blanket won’t work. I can’t fix it.”

“What?” I groaned back to him.

“Dad. My blanket doesn’t work. I can’t put it on my bed. I need help.”

Are you kidding me? I looked at the clock across the room. The red digital lights screamed out 3:32. What’s wrong with the blanket? How does a blanket fail to work? I will solve this: “Son, your blanket works fine. Just pull it up. You can do it.”

“But … Dad …”

“Son! Go back to your room. It’s night time.”

Although I couldn’t see his face or body, I knew he walked away rejected. I’ve seen the look before. He won’t remember, I reasoned to myself, because it’s the middle of the night. I rolled over, thinking I could still get a few more hours of good rest.

My wife whispered in my ear. The words pierced my eardrums and went straight to my heart. She was right. I jumped up quickly and ran down the hall.

The rejected son had his door shut, but I could see the light peering from underneath. I quietly opened the door and he stood the end of his bed. I now understood his dilemma. The top blanket was on the floor and the sheets were wrinkled up in a knot at the bottom edge of the bed.

“Need some help?”

His smile was all that I needed to see to reassure me that he was okay. “Yes, sir.“

I threw him on the bed, hugged him, and gave a few tickles. “Hold still now.” He spred his body out and I lofted the top sheet up in the air. It landed perfectly over his body. I tucked in the bottom and edges. I took the top blanket and did the same. I saw his homemade quilt from GG lying on the floor. Better add that one, too.

“Is that better?” I asked.

“Yes. Thanks, Dad.”

I gave him a wink. I mouthed the words “I LOVE YOU.” I turned out the light and walked out the door.

Not even the best sleep could replace that feeling of joy I then experienced. And all because of that little whisper in the ear from my wife. Wanna know what she said?

A good daddy would help his son.

It has been quite some time since my last post, but I promise that I have been busy. ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES MATT A DULL BOY.  ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES MATT A DULL BOY. ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES MATT A DULL BOY.
 

No, I am not going crazy at the Overlook Hotel.  But have I have looking at contracts, prepping for trials, and flying to San Francisco.  You can imagine my surprise and happiness when my wife told me that God winked at her last week during a moment of choas.

Courtney had been up all night with sick children.  One vomit here.  One vomit there.  Here a vomit. There a vomit. Everywhere a vomit.  Then she had to take them all out to Alie’s orthodontist appointment. Then she had to go to the grocery store.  Kids were screaming.  Kids were crying.  She was on the verge of her own Jack Nicholson moment.

If only I could have Pucky watch the kids.  It would only be for a few moments.  But I don’t want to ask her.  What should I do? Courtney’s internal debate rages.  What should I do?  I guess I will call her.  But maybe I should practice the words … “Pat, can you watch the kids for an hour?”  No, I can’t call.  She’s too busy.

The phone rings.

Hello.

Hi Court, it’s Pat.  I was just wondering if I can watch the kids to give you a break this morning.  I can only do it for an hour or two, but it will give you a chance to get out to the store or run an errand.

Some would call that creepy.  Some would call it coincidence.  We call it GodThruMan.

Actually, he has been given clearance to drive a regular car. After taking and passing various tests given by the rehabilitation center, Dad can drive with a few limitations. (Mom is not so psyched, but she’ll come around.)

So … while Dad is not 100% … he is getting closer.

For career development … Cordell Parvin is a fellow Richmond Spider (…although a few years before me…) and former construction attorney. I came across Cordell’s name about 6-7 years ago when I was contemplating a move to Dallas, Texas and I reached out to fellow law school alums. While that venture did not turn out, I have kept in touch with Cordell regularly through his books, blog, and Tweets. While you can find a lot by browsing his blog, my favorite year-end posts include:

• Why You Should Create a 2010 Plan … Cordell has a webinar on this topic today.
• Practical Tips on How to Do Year End Planning
• And today’s post about Planning at the 50,000 Foot Level

For balancing family and career and life … sure you have your Zig Ziglar’s, your John Maxwell’s, and even your Rick Warren’s … but my favorite, local, “living-life-right” model is Nashville’s own Michael Hyatt, CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishing. I first started following Michael’s blog, Leading with Purpose, at the beginning of this year when I revved up my career planning and life assessment. Michael is a model husband-father-businessman-leader, who Tweets about leadership and life. Here are a few of my favorite posts, including the year-end assessment:

• Seven Questions to Ask about Last Year … the Year Ahead post is expected soon.
• Five Characteristics of Weak Leaders, which gives you a look at how not to lead.
• Two Approaches to Influencing the Family … notice that Michael likes numbers!

For sheer motivation … speaker and author Andy Andrew challenges you to evaluate the importance of halftime. As for me, this week is my “halftime” moment and the second half is about to begin. The year 2010 presents some great opportunities for my career, my family, my community and my church. How about you? I know. I have lived them, too. The past few years have been tough. But the best years lie ahead.

What are you going to do to make 2010 different? … or better yet … What are you going to do to make a difference in 2010?