Growing and Growing

There does not appear to be enough time during the day to get it all done. I wonder how the John Maxwell’s, Zig Ziglar’s, Dave Ramsey’s, or Dennis Rainey’s get it done on their end?

Okay. Now that I got that out of the way, I want to tell you about something real important. It is about a family in the south Nashville area that may not have Christmas this year. Well, that was almost true until our church got involved. I spoke with the mom of this family today. I could hear the tears of joy as I explained what we proposed to do: “We want to come along side your family and help brighten your holidays.”

I proceeded to ask about the three children (ages 2, 5, 17). I asked about her husband. I asked about books. I asked about games. I asked about clothes. I asked about household items. I asked about food.

Yes. We can help this family. We already have over 25 volunteers … to help make food (BAKERS) … to help buy clothes and gifts (BUYERS) … and to help pay some bills (BANKERS). Do you live in the Nashville area and want to help this family? Do you live outside the Nashville area and want to help this family? Either way, let me know.

Be a baker, buyer, or banker!

Photo: Flickr foxypar4

While I have found the world to be full of opportunities to mentor someone else, the task becomes overwhelming to find yourself a mentor. Imagine my surprise two weeks ago when I learned that Michael Hyatt, CEO of Nelson Publishing, sent out an invitation to be a part of his mentoring group. If you live in the Nashville area and want to be considered for this amazing (yet challenging) task, please fill out an application. It will take about 30 minutes.

And now, @MichaelHyatt, here is my pitch. First, do I qualify? Yep.

• Resident of the greater Nashville … CHECK … just moved here in 2006.
• Devoted follower of Jesus Christ … CHECK … without quibble or reservation.
• Broken men, who are hungry for growth … CHECK … I am that “overwhelmed” family guy being pulled in too many directions, which causes conflict in my marriage, with my children, at my church, and through my job.
• Married career man who are in their late 20s or 30s … CHECK … although my bones feel as if I am 80.
• If already parents, children under 12 … CHECK … luckily Michael did not put a limit on the number of children (…whew…)
• Humble men, willing to look at themselves in the mirror and make changes to improve, and, at the same time willing to accept direct, personal, and comprehensive feedback without being defensive … CHECK … just read about why my daughter called me a Stupid King or why my other daughter asked about my yelling. Ouch.
• Willingness to replicate the mentoring process at least once with eight other men sometime in the future … CHECK … I’m a big fan of Pay It Forward (…Ask me one day about how I got to law school …)

While I qualify, am I the right person? Yes. My wife and I often joke about my wasted potential. Sure, I am doing okay as a provider, husband and father. But “okay” is not good enough. I want—and I think God expects—excellence. Not perfection, but excellence. While I have the heart desire to fulfill my potential … well … I’ll just say it … I lack the tools to get there.

Michael, I have too many balls in the air. Every other day a ball drops. I stop. I pray (sometimes). I pick up the ball and start over. I don’t think the answer is to get rid of those balls. I need you to teach me how to juggle.

I can’t believe Christmas is upon us so soon. As you know, I do not pimp people, places, products or things on this website too often. I made an exception last year at this time for Future of Forestry because it was such an awesome album. This year, I have to make another exception because FoF has released their Solstice DVD. Again, these guys should be playing on every Christian/Christmas radio station. Here is a preview … song starts at about :58 seconds.

If you want to send someone the Solstice DVD as a gift for Christmas, you can order it here. Just make sure that you tell them growingandgrowing.com sent you.

I was headed out of town on Monday for two weeks in Virginia for a case going to trial. My little one stopped me in the morning and asked why I was going to work with my suitcase. I told her the truth: “I’m going to see my other family.”

I jokingly explained that I had another family in Virginia … with a home, kids, and a job there. Okay. So that part was a lie. She giggled. So did I.

It has now been three days and I have not seen them. I miss them dearly. It feels like forever because I was absent for the two weeks leading up to my departure. Upon my return early this morning, I drove straight from the airport to work. I still have not seen them. Did I tell you I miss them dearly?

It feels nearly impossible to live two lives … but we try to do it all the time. For example, when things are going right on my work blog, this blog seems to fall to the back burner. When I pour a lot of time and effort into my career and professional development, my family gets pushed to the side. If you have played this tug-of-war between two lives before, then you know the frustration. But there is hope. And here are some tips:

• Decide that you can only live one life. Most of my hurdles over the past ten years have stemmed from that fact that I tried to compartmentalize every aspect of my daily life (i.e., work, health, family, friendships, church). Each had their own little box. Until we come to the realization that there is only room for one life, there will be conflict.
• Pick the life that is fueled by your passion. There is no sense in living the life that that drags you down. This weekend Rick Warren, pastor and author of A Purpose Driven Life, talked about being stuck in a meaningless career and the importance of finding your passion or purpose.
• Once you pick that life, prioritize your priorities. Just because you may have a conflict between work and family does not mean you have to choose one and ignore the other. That, my friends, does not work. Trust me. But once I picked family first, then I was able to prioritize the rest. For me, it looks something like this: God > Family > Work > Church > Everything else.

The rest of this plan is unwritten. It has taken me years to get to this point. My life equation above is a set of priorities. Am I living them right? Not always, but we’re working on it.

Question: Are you living two lives? Are you ready to pick one? What helps you make you decision?

Photo: Flickr: eqqman

Photo: Pictures by Pwyrdan

• You are convictable … meaning you know that there is a difference between good and bad parenting. If you have yelled at your children and realized that what you did was wrong, then there is great hope. If you are a screamer and feel that your actions are always justified (i.e., “They just won’t listen.”), then you are wrong. But there is still hope for you, too.
• You are changeable … meaning that you can change your ways. Whether you grew up with yelling parents, or you just fell into the habit recently, you can modify the tone you talk to your children.
• You are in charge … meaning that you control the situation with your children. Notice that I did not say, “You control your children in all situations.” I said, you control the situation. If that means that you need to walk away to find the right tone to talk to them, then take control and walk away.

Here is the take-away: I am called to live a godly life. Every day I fail to meet that standard. Does Christ yell at me when I fail to meet that standard? No. Instead, does his Word encourage me? Yes. With parenting, I am not to change my standard … I am to encourage my children to meet that standard … And yelling won’t get them there.

I was out late last night talking with a friend. Actually, we were mapping out our lives for the next year. If all goes as planned, we will be famous, multi-millionaire, speaker-guys … or bankrupt. Thanks for the great evening, Dr. Brassell.

As I pulled into the garage, I was kinda sad because I knew that I missed bedtime for most of my kids. Of course, Alie would be up reading and I would get at least one kid-hug tonight. I opened the garage door and … BAM!

There, standing before me, was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. The long, flowing hair bounced off her shoulders and reached out in an attempt to pull me closer. The rays of light shone from her face as though she were her own galaxy. Our eyes met. Sparkle. She smiled. Sparkle.

I hope my wife does not bust me checking out this woman. Oh, wait, that is my wife. Wow! She looked ten years younger. How did she do that? It must be the thug stalking cap and “Team Edward” t-shirt. Giggling like a fifteen year old school girl, she said: “Honey, I’m going to see the new Twilight movie tonight at midnight with my friends. See you later.”


So, how can you make yourself look 10 years younger? For only $20.00, you too can have this look. $10.00 for the t-shirt and $10.00 for the teenage vampire-werewolf love story movie. And there you have it.

My wife would kill me if she knew that I was telling you this. Don’t tell her! (… please …) That’s right, I am going to tell you about discipline and training and chuck.

All afternoon yesterday, my little Addy (4yr) was not feeling well. She had already gotten sick once in the car, had a shower, and spent the evening on the couch. Although we probably surmised that more food might make her sick, she ate dinner nonetheless. Wasn’t that bad … oatmeal. How hard can that ol‘ quaker dude be on your stomach anyway?

Fast forward two hours. Cough. Cough. Scream. Cough. Gurgle. Gurgle.

I ran into Addy’s room. She was crying … but not talking. She had her hands cupped around her mouth. I ran to her bed and saw that she was gagging. She did not want to get sick in her bed.

I scooped her up in my arms and cradled her to the bathroom. She could have let go. But she did not. Her small, cupping hands held tight to her mouth. As I sat her down on the ground near the toilet, she aimed …. and released. Good girl.

You may find this disgusting, but I was one proud pop. Did you see that? She held tight until she was in the clear. She did not want to get sick in her bed. She did not want to get sick on her Dad. She waited until she could get sick where sick belonged.

We (… I mean my wife … ) wiped her brow, cleaned her mouth, bathed her, and set her back into bed. Although we had already prayed once, I would later return to Addy’s room for an extra prayer. Can’t have too many, right?

As I walked out into the dark hallway, I looked over my shoulder to the motionless body. That’s what I call disciplined. To us, discipline is everything you put into children that influences how they will fare in the real world. Perhaps out of cleanliness … perhaps out of laziness … perhaps out of leadership … but we have always trained our children (no matter what age) to hold their sickness until they can get to a bathroom. Addy, in her moment of sickness and nausea, could have reacted so many different ways. But she chose to hold on and get sick where sick belonged.

Is that disgusting? Maybe. Are we mean parents? Probably. Is there a lesson in all this talk? Yes. If God can use an evening of sickness to show me that training really does make a difference, then perhaps He can impress upon your mind: “Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)

I am sure you have seen many dancing babies before. I am sure you have heard of Greatest Hits of the 80s. But have you seen my baby dancing to the greatest hits of the 80s?

I am going to feature a new dance every few days. Here is the album song list. If you wanna play director, send me your requests.

I really don’t like pets. Cats. Dogs. Mice. Hermit Crabs. Upon further reflection, I like pets …. I just don’t like children who don’t take care of their own pets. You know what I’m saying?

Let me tell you about my friend’s daughter, who has her own thoughts about pets. We were at a birthday party when her dad expressly told her that she had to eat 1/2 hamburger before she got a cupcake. Okay. That’s not so bad, right?

As my friend walked away, I sat there watching this precious little girl munch down her chips and beans. She picked at the burger. I glanced as she pushed that burnt crusty patty around her plate. With a snooty look on her face, the burger fell right on the ground. She looked around. My eyes darted to the left. Whew…she did not see me.

Enter the cat. This mangled, dusty and probably starving cat sprinted to the burger on the ground and began feasting. The little girl watched. I watched. (I am trying to control my laughter already.)

The cat had just finished its all-you-can-eat-burnt-patty-buffet when the dad returned. I know we teach our kids not to be a tattletale, but I could not resist. “Hey man, your kid just dropped her burger on the ground and let the cat eat it all.”

The blood vessels pumped. The sweat trickled. The inquisition began:

Him: “Baby, did you eat your burger?”
Her: (Pause) … “No.”
Him: “Do you remember what I told you about the cupcake?”
Her: (Pause) … “Yes.”
Him: “So, you know that you are not going to get a cupcake until you eat a burger?”
Her: (Pause) … “Yes.”
Him: “What, then, do you have to do now?”
Her: (Pause) … (Pause) … (Pause)… “Eat the cat?”

She said, EAT THE CAT! Too funny.

As parents, we can only teach our children the many lessons of life. Know the difference between right and wrong. Do right. Don’t do wrong. Help others. Give more than you receive. Put the toilet seat down. Despite all the teaching, we can never fully prepare ourselves for what our children will say. What’s the funniest thing you’ve heard a kid say?

This weekend someone told me: “You’re not right! …. We still gonna be your friend, but you ain’t right!”

For the record, that is not me (above). That is someone else who is not right! Every time some says that I am not right, I generally embrace it. I love my ain’t-right-ness.

Upon further reflection, I wanna know who came up with right-ness anyway? It certainly wasn’t Matthew Paul Turner: THAT GUY IS NOT RIGHT! (…Something tells me that Matt loves his ain’t-right-ness, too…) Now that I pointed you to Matt’s site, I am sure that I will offend any number of you, which, again, makes me not right in your eyes. Well, here are a few of my top That’sNotRight for the week:

1. Jesus Pics of the Day … by Matt … again … good one!
2. Conservatives for Palin … Are there any others?
3. Twitter + God = ChristianChirp.com. Apparently, some hackers shut it down, perhaps thinking it wasn’t right either.

After checking out these sites, if you think I am not right (…and assume that I am not right…), then think about what I think about you. You laughed at least once. You ain’t right, either!